In a historic blow to the two party system, Bear, known as "Bear Bears", "Mr. Bear Bears", or "Portly", and his running mate, Cinnamon, known as "Mamas", were elected President, and Vice President of the United States, against the incumbent GOP ticket of President Donald J. Trump (of Florida), and Vice President Michael R. Pence (of Indiana), and the Democratic ticket of former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. (of Delaware) and Senator Kamala D. Harris (of California), in a historically lopsided Presidential election. Bear won the Electoral College unanimously, but due to the rules of the 12th Amendment, he could not recieve his homestate's electoral votes, since his running mate, Cinnamon, is from his homestate, as well. In all, the Electoral College went for Bear 532-0, with Utah's votes not counting.
The pundits said that the Portly/Mamas ticket was a losing one, and that Joe Biden had a good chance of winning, and with high turnout, it appeared like a Biden victory would be likely. However, the Portly/Mamas ticket's platform of universal dog treats, a Constitutional Amendment declaring belly rubs a right, not a privilege, and banning animals abusers to the sun, was a very appealing platform. Rolling over and doing tricks in front of voters won over the hearts of millions of voters.
"That dog from Utah, named PORTLY, was a GREAT candidate, he beats me and SLEEPY JOE, VERY STRONGLY! Sad!" President Trump tweeted, from Mar-a-Lago.
"Last night, I called Mister Portly, and congratulated him on his victory, and he barked some nice things at me." Vice President Biden said in a statement from his basement.
Bear barked a lot in his speech, thanking his supporters, and rolling over when the applause broke out. In the congressional elections, 35 dogs were elected to the Senate, and 290 dogs were elected to the House of Representatives, and 145 cats were also elected. Bear is the first non-human President, and Cinnamon is the first non-human, and first non-human female Vice President. She said she'll break tie votes in favor of increased access to chew toys.
In the two Presidential debates, Bear won over voters by barking and growling when President Trump interrupted, and didn't roll over when Vice President Biden made a gaffe declaring that Bear had proposed burying Trump's hair in the White House Garden. In the Vice Presidential debate, Cinnamon had to be restrained when she jumped on Mike Pence's head to get that fly off of his head.
The national popular vote:
Bear Portly/Cinnamon Mamas (Doggo Party): 109,623,252- 67.28% (+67.28%) 532/538 electoral votes
Joseph R. Biden Jr./Kamala D. Harris (Democratic) 41,519,723- 25.48% (-22.70) 000 electoral votes
Donald J. Trump/Michael R. Pence (Republican) 11,059,015- 6.79% (-39.30%) 000 electoral votes
(Other): 729,249- 0.45% (-5.28%)
Margin: 68,103,529- 41.80% (+29.71%)
162,931,239 votes cast (65.3%)
"Whose a good boy and girl?!" The crowd chanted, as Bear and Cinnamon wagged their tails.
"Bear is a very VERY BAD BOY! And Cinnamon? SHE'S NOT EVEN TOAST CRUNCH!" The President tweeted 125 times each day.
"Bear will pee on the couch in the White House!" Joe Biden said from his basement.
With Americans voting for a dog, they know that Bear will sleep on the White House desk, and jump on America's enemies, biting their fingers if they threaten America. Bear is a uniter, not a divider. Unless he jumps on you while you sleep on the couch, he will divide you from the couch in a heart beat. Chao.
Preceded by: "Stop Rehabilitating George W. Bush. It's Just So Unprincipled."
Succeeded by: "Impeach Him Again; And Expel His Complicit Coup Plotters. Show Them No Mercy."
Follow me on Twitter: @SkylerSatterfi1
Support the blog: http://paypal.me/smanspeaks
Comments
Post a Comment